Celebrate Groundhog Day - Break the Cycle!

Today is Groundhog Day when a small and arguably cute creature will indicate whether we have an early spring or eight more weeks of winter! It has been proven, surprisingly, you might think, that the predictions have no scientific standing whatsoever and have been mainly incorrect……

The day is also synonymous with the 1993 movie Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. In the movie, Murray’s character relives his day over and over again! Sound familiar?

So, that takes me to the purpose of this post! My question is, what will you do to break your Groundhog Day? Are you prepared to step outside your comfort zone by taking a leap of faith and breaking the cycle to live a new and exciting life? Or is it easier to carry on in the same existence repeatedly…….

It’s your call! If you need help, email me. You might be surprised by how great life can be.

#groundhogday2019 #groundhogday #leapoffaith #comfortzone #living #lifecoachingworks #change #lifecoaching

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas from Peter Gourri Coaching and Consulting LLC! 🎄

As the holiday season is upon us, we want to take a moment to express our sincere gratitude for your continued support and partnership. May your holidays be filled with joy, peace, and happiness, and may the new year bring you prosperity and success. Wishing you and your loved ones a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The history of Christmas is a fascinating blend of religious, cultural, and folk traditions that have evolved over centuries. Here’s an overview of its origins and development:

1. Pre-Christian Origins

Winter Solstice Celebrations: Long before the advent of Christianity, people across Europe celebrated the winter solstice, the shortest day and longest night of the year, around December 21-22. These festivities often involved feasting, gift-giving, and lighting fires to ward off the darkness and celebrate the return of longer days.

Roman Festival of Saturnalia: One of the most significant precursors to Christmas was the Roman festival of Saturnalia, held from December 17-23. This was a time of feasting, gift-giving, and social role reversals. Homes were decorated with evergreen boughs, and businesses and schools were closed for the festivities.

2. Christian Adaptation

Birth of Jesus: Early Christians did not initially celebrate the birth of Jesus. The date of December 25 was chosen in the 4th century by the Roman church, possibly to align with the pagan celebrations of the winter solstice and the birthday of the sun god, Sol Invictus. This date allowed Christians to celebrate Jesus as the “Light of the World.”

Spread of Christmas Celebrations: By the 5th century, Christmas had become a significant Christian feast day throughout the Roman Empire. Over time, it incorporated various local customs and traditions from the regions where Christianity spread.

3. Medieval Christmas

Feasts and Revelry: In medieval Europe, Christmas was a time of feasting, music, and dancing. It was celebrated over a twelve-day period (known as Christmastide), culminating in the Feast of Epiphany on January 6. This period included traditions like the “Lord of Misrule,” where societal norms were inverted, and merrymaking was encouraged.

Nativity Plays and Carols: The Church played a central role in Christmas celebrations, with nativity plays and carols becoming popular ways to convey the story of Jesus’ birth to the largely illiterate population.

4. Reformation and Changes

Puritan Rejection: During the 16th and 17th centuries, the Protestant Reformation led to a backlash against Christmas celebrations, especially among Puritans in England and America. They viewed the holiday’s extravagance and pagan origins as unchristian. Christmas was even banned in England from 1647 to 1660.

Revival of Christmas: By the 19th century, Christmas experienced a revival. Influential figures like Charles Dickens, whose novella *A Christmas Carol* (1843) emphasized themes of family, goodwill, and charity, helped to shape the modern image of Christmas as a time of generosity and kindness.

5. Modern Christmas Traditions

Christmas Trees: The tradition of decorating Christmas trees originated in Germany and became popular in Britain and America during the 19th century, largely due to Queen Victoria and Prince Albert’s influence.

Santa Claus: The modern image of Santa Claus evolved from St. Nicholas, a 4th-century Greek bishop known for his generosity, combined with elements from Dutch, British, and American folklore. The “jolly old elf” figure became widely popular in the United States through the 1823 poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas” (commonly known as “The Night Before Christmas”) and Coca-Cola’s 1930s advertising campaigns.

Commercialization: In the 20th century, Christmas became increasingly commercialized, with an emphasis on gift-giving, shopping, and elaborate decorations. It evolved into a secular holiday celebrated by many around the world, regardless of religious beliefs.

6. Christmas Around the World

Global Variations: Different cultures have unique ways of celebrating Christmas. For example, in Spain and Latin America, Epiphany (January 6) is a significant part of the holiday season, with the “Three Kings” bringing gifts to children. In Scandinavian countries, Christmas traditions are intertwined with local folklore, such as the “Yule Goat” and “Nisse” or “Tomte” (household spirits).

Today, Christmas is celebrated worldwide, blending religious observance with cultural and secular customs, making it a time for family gatherings, feasting, and festive cheer.

To all of you who celebrate the holiday, A Very Merry Christmas.

Learning from past decisions!

Here are some I made earlier.......

Learning from past decisions that went wrong, from breadmaking to running businesses!

I’ve been making bread for the last year. My fiancé started this, and I have been working ever since to perfect and expand my skills in baking bread, scones, and various cakes. Sometimes, I end up with a soggy bottom or an exploding loaf where I add too much or too little, but I “persequere” not just because that is my old school moto but also because I have learned through experience to recognize that everything does not always go to plan in life. When it doesn’t, it is not a failure but a learning experience to do better and easier next time.  

Of course, we can all fall into the trap of repeating the same actions repeatedly, hoping for different results the next time. Sticking to familiar patterns is easy, but our real growth comes from examining our past decisions and learning from them.

Ask yourself these questions to reflect on your past mistakes and make the right decision this time around.
 
What’s the decision I’m facing now? Clearly define the problem before jumping to a solution. A vague problem leads to an unclear path forward.
 
What’s stressful about this decision? Identify what’s making you anxious. Stress can cloud your judgment, pushing you to rely on habitual, biased thinking instead of exploring new options.
 
What past decisions can I learn from? Analyze past choices that didn’t work out. Pinpoint what went wrong and why. This helps you avoid repeating the same missteps this time around.
 
What assumptions led to those mistakes? Look back and challenge the assumptions you made. Were you relying on shortcuts or untested beliefs?
 
How can I apply this learning now? Use what you’ve uncovered to inform your current decisions, shifting your behavior and thought process for better outcomes.

These are small snippets to help you start your journey to success. Ask yourself how I can support you one-to-one to accomplish more professionally and personally. If you would like further assistance or guidance in this or other areas, such as setting strategic goals for yourself or your business, book an appointment with me using the link in the contact section so we can talk. You never know—it might just create a change in your future!

Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?

by William Oncken, Jr. and Donald L. Wass

I would love to take credit for this article, but I can’t! It was written by William Oncken, Jr. and Donald L. Wass for the Harvard Business Review in 1974.

I was first introduced to it by a legal colleague, Chris Corney, a solicitor and fellow head of department in a law firm that we both worked at. When I was first appointed to head the department, he printed off the article and told me to go somewhere quiet and read it, then read it again, until I completely understood the message the author was getting across.

I did as suggested, and it was some of the best advice I have ever received. So good, in fact, that I frequently share it with my own clients, whom I coach as leaders and managers. After my clients read it, we then consider their interpretation of the content, how it applies to them, and how they can apply the lessons to their own lives.

Note: This article was originally published in the November–December 1974 issue of HBR and has been one of the publication’s two best-selling reprints ever.

The Harvard Business Review asked Stephen R. Covey to provide a commentary for its reissue as a Classic.

Why do managers typically run out of time while their subordinates typically run out of work? Here, we shall explore the meaning of management time as it relates to the interaction between managers and their bosses, their peers, and their subordinates.

Specifically, we shall deal with three kinds of management time:

Boss-imposed time—is used to accomplish those activities that the boss requires and that the manager cannot disregard without direct and swift penalty.

System-imposed time—used to accommodate requests from peers for active support. Neglecting these requests will also result in penalties, though not always as direct or swift.

Self-imposed time—used to do things the manager originates or agrees to do. However, a particular portion of this kind of time will be taken by subordinates and is called subordinate-imposed time. The remaining portion will be the manager’s own, called discretionary time. Self-imposed time is not subject to penalty since neither the boss nor the system can discipline the manager for not doing what they didn’t know he had intended to do in the first place.

To accommodate those demands, managers need to control the timing and the content of what they do. Since what their bosses and the system imposed on them are subject to penalties, managers cannot tamper with those requirements. Thus, their self-imposed time becomes a significant area of concern.

Managers should try to increase the discretionary component of their self-imposed time by minimizing or eliminating the subordinate component. They will then use the added increment to get better control over their boss-imposed and system-imposed activities. Most managers spend much more time dealing with subordinates’ problems than they even faintly realize. Hence, we shall use the monkey-on-the-back metaphor to examine how subordinate-imposed time comes into being and what the superior can do about it.

The author, Peter Gourri, with literally, a monkey on his back! 

Where Is the Monkey?

Let us imagine a manager walking down the hall and noticing one of his subordinates, Jones, coming his way. When the two meet, Jones greets the manager, “Good morning. By the way, we’ve got a problem. You see….” As Jones continues, the manager recognizes in this problem the two characteristics common to all of the issues his subordinates gratuitously bring to his attention. Namely, the manager knows (a) enough to get involved but (b) not enough to make the on-the-spot expected decision. Eventually, the manager says, “So glad you brought this up. I’m in a rush right now. Meanwhile, let me think about it, and I’ll let you know.” Then he and Jones part company.

Let us analyze what just happened. Before they met, on whose back was the “monkey”? The subordinates. After they parted, on whose back was it? The managers. Subordinate-imposed time begins the moment a monkey successfully leaps from the back of a subordinate to the back of his or her superior and does not end until the monkey is returned to its proper owner for care and feeding. In accepting the monkey, the manager has voluntarily assumed a position subordinate to his subordinate. He has allowed Jones to make him her subordinate by doing two things a subordinate is generally expected to do for a boss—the manager has accepted a responsibility from his subordinate,. The manager has promised her a progress report.

The subordinate, to make sure the manager does not miss this point, will later stick her head in the manager’s office and cheerily query, “How’s it coming?” (This is called supervision.)

Or, let us imagine that after a conference with Johnson, another subordinate, the manager’s parting words are, “Fine. Send me a memo on that.”

Let us analyze this one. The monkey is now on the subordinate’s back because the next move is his, but it is poised for a leap. Watch that monkey. Johnson dutifully writes the requested memo and drops it in his out-basket. Shortly thereafter, the manager plucks it from his in-basket and reads it. Whose move is it now? The managers. If he does not make that move soon, he will get a follow-up memo from the subordinate. (This is another form of supervision.) The longer the manager delays, the more frustrated the subordinate will become (spinning his wheels) and the more guilty the manager will feel (his backlog of subordinate-imposed time will mount).

Or suppose once again that at a meeting with a third subordinate, Smith, the manager agrees to provide all the necessary backing for a public relations proposal he has just asked Smith to develop. The manager’s parting words to her are, “Just let me know how I can help.”

FURTHER READING

Now, let us analyze this. Again, the monkey is initially on the subordinate’s back. But for how long? Smith realizes that she cannot let the manager “know” until her proposal has the manager’s approval. And from experience, she also realizes that her proposal will likely sit in the manager’s briefcase for weeks before he eventually gets to it. Who’s got the monkey? Who will be checking up on whom? Wheel spinning and bottlenecking are well on their way again.

A fourth subordinate, Reed, has just been transferred from another part of the company so that he can launch and eventually manage a newly created business venture. The manager has said they should get together soon to hammer out a set of objectives for the new job, adding, “I will draw up an initial draft for discussion with you.”

Let us analyze this one, too. The subordinate has the new job (by formal assignment) and the full responsibility (by formal delegation), but the manager has the next move. Until he makes it, he will have the monkey, and the subordinate will be immobilized.

Why does all of this happen? In each instance, the manager and the subordinate assume at the outset, wittingly or unwittingly, that the matter under consideration is a joint problem. In each case, the monkey begins its career astride both their backs. All it has to do is move the wrong leg, and—presto! —the subordinate deftly disappears. The manager is thus left with another acquisition for his menagerie. Of course, monkeys can be trained not to move the wrong leg. But it is easier to prevent them from straddling backs in the first place.

Who Is Working for Whom?

Let us suppose that these same four subordinates are so thoughtful and considerate of their superior’s time that they take pains to allow no more than three monkeys to leap from each of their backs to his on any one day. In a five-day week, the manager will have picked up 60 screaming monkeys—far too many to do anything about them individually. So, he spends his subordinate-imposed time juggling his “priorities.”

Late Friday afternoon, the manager is in his office with the door closed for privacy so he can contemplate the situation while his subordinates are waiting outside to get their last chance before the weekend to remind him that he will have to “fish or cut bait.” Imagine what they are saying to one another about the manager as they wait: “What a bottleneck. He can’t make up his mind. How anyone ever got that high up in our company without being able to make a decision, we’ll never know.”

Worst of all, the manager cannot make any of these “next moves” because his time is almost entirely eaten up by meeting his own boss-imposed and system-imposed requirements. To control those tasks, he needs discretionary time, which, in turn, is denied to him when he is preoccupied with all these monkeys. The manager is caught in a vicious circle. But time is a-wasting (an understatement). The manager calls his secretary on the intercom and instructs her to tell his subordinates that he won’t be able to see them until Monday morning. At 7 pm, he drives home, intending with a firm resolve to return to the office tomorrow to get caught up over the weekend. He returns bright and early the next day only to see a foursome on the nearest green of the golf course across from his office window. Guess who?

That does it. He now knows who is working for whom. Moreover, he now sees that if he accomplishes during this weekend what he came to perform, his subordinates’ morale will go up so sharply that they will each raise the limit on the number of monkeys they will let jump from their backs to his. In short, with the clarity of a revelation on a mountaintop, he now sees that the more he gets caught up, the more he will fall behind.

With the clarity of a revelation on a mountaintop, the manager can now see that the more he gets caught up, the more he will fall behind.

He leaves the office at the speed of someone running away from a plague. His plan? To get caught up on something he hasn’t had time for in years: a weekend with his family. (This is one of the many varieties of discretionary time.)

Sunday night, he enjoys ten hours of sweet, untroubled slumber because he has clear-cut plans for Monday. He is going to get rid of his subordinate-imposed time. In exchange, he will get an equal amount of discretionary time, part of which he will spend with his subordinates to ensure that they learn the difficult but rewarding managerial art called “The Care and Feeding of Monkeys.”

The manager will also have plenty of discretionary time left over to control the timing and content of his boss-imposed time and his system-imposed time. It may take months, but the rewards will be enormous compared to how things have been. His ultimate objective is to manage his time.

Getting Rid of the Monkeys

The manager returns to the office Monday morning just late enough so that his four subordinates have collected outside his office waiting to see him about their monkeys. He calls them in one by one. The purpose of each interview is to take a monkey, place it on the desk between them, and figure out together how the next move might conceivably be the subordinates for certain monkeys that will take some doing. The subordinate’s next move may be so elusive that the manager may decide—just for now—merely to let the monkey sleep on the subordinate’s back overnight and have him or her return with it at an appointed time the following day to continue the joint quest for a more substantive move by the subordinate. (Monkeys sleep just as soundly overnight on subordinates’ backs as they do on superiors.)

As each subordinate leaves the office, the manager is rewarded with the sight of a monkey leaving his office on the subordinate’s back. For the next 24 hours, the subordinate will not be waiting for the manager; instead, the manager will be waiting for the subordinate.

Later, as if to remind himself that there is no law against his engaging in a constructive exercise in the interim, the manager strolls by the subordinate’s office, sticks his head in the door, and cheerily asks, “How’s it coming?” (The time consumed in doing this is discretionary for the manager and the boss imposed on the subordinate.)

In accepting the monkey, the manager has voluntarily assumed a position subordinate to his subordinate.

When the subordinate (with the monkey on his or her back) and the manager meet at the appointed hour the next day, the manager explains the ground rules in words to this effect:

“At no time while I am helping you with this or any other problem will your problem become mine. The instant your problem becomes mine, you no longer have a problem. I cannot help a person who hasn’t got a problem.

“When this meeting is over, the problem will leave this office precisely as it came in—on your back. You may ask for my help at any appointed time, and we will determine what the next move will be and which of us will make it.

“In those rare instances where the next move turns out to be mine, you and I will determine it together. I will not make any move alone.”

The manager follows this same line of thought with each subordinate until about 11 a.m. when he realizes he doesn’t have to close his door. His monkeys are gone. They will return—but by appointment only. His calendar will ensure this.

Transferring the Initiative

What we have been driving at in this monkey-on-the-back analogy is that managers can transfer initiative back to their subordinates and keep it there. We have tried to highlight a truism as obvious as it is subtle: namely, before developing initiative in subordinates, the manager must see to it that they have the initiative. Once the manager takes it back, he will no longer have it and can kiss his discretionary time goodbye. It will all revert to subordinate-imposed time.

Nor can the manager and the subordinate effectively have the same initiative simultaneously. The opener, “Boss, we’ve got a problem,” implies this duality and represents, as noted earlier, a monkey astride two backs, which is the wrong way to start a monkey’s career. Let us, therefore, take a few moments to examine what we call “The Anatomy of Managerial Initiative.”

There are five degrees of initiative that the manager can exercise concerning the boss and the system:

1. wait until told (lowest initiative);

2. ask what to do;

3. recommend, then take resulting action;

4. act, but advise at once;

5. and act independently, then routinely report (highest initiative).

Clearly, the manager should be professional enough not to indulge in initiatives 1 and 2 related to the boss or the system. A manager who uses initiative 1 has no control over either the timing or the content of boss-imposed or system-imposed time, thereby forfeiting any right to complain about what he or she is told to do or when. The manager who uses Initiative 2 controls the timing but not the content. Initiatives 3, 4, and 5 leave the manager in control of both, with the most significant control being exercised at level 5.

Concerning subordinates, the manager’s job is twofold. First, to outlaw initiatives 1 and 2, thus giving subordinates no choice but to learn and master “Completed Staff Work.” Second, to see that for each problem leaving his or her office, an agreed-upon level of initiative is assigned to it, in addition to an agreed-upon time and place for the next manager-subordinate conference. The latter should be duly noted on the manager’s calendar.

The Care and Feeding of Monkeys

To further clarify our analogy between the monkey on the back and the processes of assigning and controlling, we shall refer briefly to the manager’s appointment schedule, which calls for five hard-and-fast rules governing the “Care and Feeding of Monkeys.” (Violation of these rules will cost discretionary time.)

Rule 1.

Monkeys should be fed or shot. Otherwise, they will starve to death, and the manager will waste valuable time on postmortems or attempted resurrections.

Rule 2.

The monkey population should be kept below the maximum number the manager has time to feed. Subordinates will find time to work as many monkeys as he or she finds time to feed, but no more. Feeding an adequately maintained monkey shouldn’t take more than five to 15 minutes.

Rule 3.

Monkeys should be fed by appointment only. The manager should not have to hunt down starving monkeys and feed them on a catch-as-catch-can basis.

Rule 4.

Monkeys should be fed face-to-face or by telephone, but never by mail. (Remember—with mail, the next move will be the managers.) Documentation may add to the feeding process but cannot replace feeding.

Rule 5.

Every monkey should be assigned the next feeding time and degree of initiative. These may be revised by mutual consent but are never allowed to become vague or indefinite. Otherwise, the monkey will starve or wind up on the manager’s back.

Making Time for Gorillas

by Stephen R. Covey When Bill Oncken wrote this article in 1974, managers were in a terrible bind. They were ...

“Get control over the timing and content of what you do” is appropriate advice for managing time. The first order of business is for the manager to enlarge his or her discretionary time by eliminating subordinate-imposed time. The second is for the manager to use a portion of this newfound discretionary time to see that each subordinate has the initiative and applies it. The third is for the manager to use another portion of the increased discretionary time to get and keep control of the timing and content of both boss-imposed and system-imposed time. All these steps will increase the manager’s leverage and enable the value of each hour spent managing management time to multiply without a theoretical limit.

Get People On Board with Your Ideas!

Have you ever struggled to get your colleagues on board with your ideas? When facing resistance, it’s crucial to understand the underlying concerns driving their hesitation. Here are some common reasons you might meet resistance and questions to overcome them.

Don't get defensive when someone resists your idea or isn’t getting it. Instead, ask for their candid reaction to understand what’s informing their position. This could sound as simple as, “How is this idea landing with you?” or “What are some specific risks that worry you?” Once you see what they’re seeing, you can present a more tailored argument—and you might even uncover some gaps in your thinking.

When the conversation becomes adversarial, when your idea is at odds with your collaborator’s, summarize and verify their points. For example: “I hear you saying that you believe X for Y reason. Is that right?” This simple strategy interrupts the point-counterpoint dynamic and makes the tone more collaborative.  

When their “no” puts you in a bind. Disclose your dilemma, then pose a question that invites them to work with you to solve it. For example, “If we don’t do what I suggest, I worry we’ll run out of time and resources. How would you approach this?” Questions like these will encourage the other person to empathize with your situation and potentially lead to better ideas.

WHO NEEDS AN EXECUTIVE COACH ANYWAY?

An interesting question came up today which directly affects my career, but it occurs to me also my past. I’ll explain! Over ten years ago, I was a successful but stressed-out lawyer with no life and even less joy. This was not caused by the loved ones and friends around me but by me, and me alone!

A good friend, a successful management consultant with Accenture and other leading companies, offered me executive coaching. This was not the only time this happened. Over the years, I have met life coaches of different backgrounds and qualifications at various networking events.

I always said no, not because I questioned my friends' or other life coaches' fine qualities, but because I didn’t believe in life coaching. I could not see how it could benefit me or my life. I was arrogant, ignorant, and, on reflection, really quite stupid! This was despite the fact that I am generally considered to be quite clever and held in high regard by my colleagues and critics alike.

So, how could it be that I was such a short-sighted idiot, and what changed to make me a believer in the skill, art, and success of life coaching?

Reflecting on this, my first thought about why I had rejected coaching was that maybe it was a cultural issue. I am British by birth, and you know Brits can be a pretty proud and stubborn lot! Just look at the United Kingdom's dealings with the rest of the world, both in history and now, where, despite its reduced global influence, it continues to punch above its weight—or at least we Brits like to believe we do!

I have always been immensely proud and worked hard for everything I achieved in my career.  I had some wonderful mentors along the way, not least my first-ever boss, who took me under his wing when I was a 17-year-old outdoor clerk in a law firm called Wray Smith & Co., based in the ancient heart of the British legal profession, the Inner Temple in London. I cannot tell you the love and affection I still hold for this man today. Still, there are areas where I can reflect and recognize with increased age and experience that I no longer accept or agree with many of his views, not least where it came to areas like the expression of feelings and openness to believing in these fangled new age practices that have never helped anyone.

As a successful lawyer and, subsequently, a judge, I wanted to be like him, and for a long time, I believed his every word. Please don’t get me wrong; it was not that he was incorrect; it was just a very different age born of the Second World War, as well as the period after that, which were tough times in the United Kingdom and the rest of Europe for people of my parents and grandparents generations. So, was this a cultural issue that was responsible? I think it contributes to it, but it is not the only issue.

Was I a coward? I don’t mean in the old-fashioned sense of the expression!   I have always tried to face any problem head-on and work hard to find a solution rather than avoiding it! That’s a contradiction to accepting the benefits of executive coaching, RIGHT?

So, what was I afraid of opening up? Admitting I have made mistakes and facing them? I think if we are honest with ourselves, we are all a little fearful of doing so; that is what makes us human after all, unless, of course, you are a sociopath, a few of whom I have worked for over the years, in which case your self-belief and confidence is second to none!

The thing is, and it’s a silly but essential thing, COACHING WORKS! Not only does it work, but it is not about mistakes or leaving yourself feeling like you are exposing yourself. It is about the future as well as the here and now!

When I work with a client, the client sets the agenda and comes up with the answers, albeit with a bit of steering and guidance from me using my ears, eyes, and mouth, asking the right questions. My clients already have the answers, but they can be hidden deep or right in front of their eyes! I help them find them; as I said, COACHING WORKS!

As a professionally trained life coach, I am delighted when I see my clients' breakthroughs and fantastic results. Knowing that they are progressing to the next stage of their success or breakthrough in life brings me genuine pleasure and joy.

I shouldn’t be surprised; as soon as I started using a coach, the old concerns and negative thoughts were there, and I was initially hesitant, resistant, and nervous. My skillful coach asked me the right questions, and pretty much straight away, I noticed my life changing for the better through several breakthroughs.

I realized that events or thoughts that had held me back for years were not the roots of my problems; it was me and only me! I learned to become a happier, better, and more successful person.

So, all those years ago, how could I have been so unwise as to believe that coaching could not help me? Change my life for the better, both professionally and personally? I’m still unsure if I have an answer to that, but I have learned that coaching is about a brighter future and improving the here and now! That is all that matters!

Professionally trained life coaches undertake specialist courses and obtain skills as part of their accreditation process required by the International Coach Federation, of which I am a member. This process involves them learning about themselves to enable them to help others. It is a fascinating journey, sometimes tricky, but extremely rewarding.

Why wouldn’t this be attractive? Is it cultural or more? Only you can find out the answer to that question, but trust me, I wouldn’t have missed this journey for anything. I’m so happy that I can say out loud that I am an ICF COACH, able to help others on their journey, too!

To Be Or Not To Be, That Is The Question. Whether 'Tis Nobler In The Mind To Suffer!

Well, that’s a bit deep and very Shakespearean, but if you think about it in its most straightforward interpretation, what do we want to be? We start life being molded by the influences around us, whether family, peers, society or especially society! 

Sometimes, we have it impressed upon us by well-meaning people to study hard, work hard, get our qualifications, work harder, buy property, get attached, get a family, work even harder, suffer even harder, repeat, and then retire, unless, of course, you shuffle off your mortal coil (even more Hamlet) before then from all that hard work! 

So, are there different approaches we can use to learn about life? I remember a close friend of mine encouraging her child to engage in circus workshops and pursue non-academic activities. She’s nuts, I thought. So, the kid isn’t very academic, but it indeed makes sense to keep pushing them academically so they can make something of their life! 

Wow, was I such a short-sighted person? As a result of my friend’s foresighted approach, her child, one of my Godchildren, learned structure and discipline while having fun. They are now a highly respected physicist, but that’s irrelevant. They could have become anything because their parents thought outside the box and allowed them to do something they wanted, which gave them arguably the same strong foundation as any tutor or academic could have done, but differently! 

So that takes me back to my original point, “To Be Or Not To Be!” 

Is it too late to review your life, reinvent yourself, and have the one you desire whilst still being successful? 

My simple response to that question is, "Why not?" I changed my country of residence at 45 and my career at 48!

You tell me why it isn’t possible, and I’ll likely help you discount each and every one of those “excuses.” That, after all, is usually what they are!  Is it possible that we fail to see possibility because we are determined to remain in our comfort zone, denying ourselves a place where a happier and better existence lives? 

Did you ever stop for a moment and ask yourself what you want? Maybe it’s time you did that and looked for possibilities rather than the reasons why you can’t succeed! 

To be or not to be: That is the question. You have the answer, but you might need help finding it so call me!

Happy Halloween

**Happy Halloween from Peter Gourri Coaching and Consulting LLC! 🎃**

Wishing you a spooktacular Halloween filled with treats, laughter, and a little bit of mystery. We appreciate your business and hope your day is as thrilling as a haunted house! Stay safe and enjoy the festivities. 👻🕸️

Halloween has a rich and complex history that blends ancient traditions with modern customs. Here’s an overview of its evolution:

1. **Ancient Origins: Samhain**

**Celtic Festival of Samhain:** Halloween traces its roots back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, celebrated over 2,000 years ago in Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France. The Celts marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter on October 31st, believing that the boundary between the living and the dead blurred on this night.

**Spirit World Connection:** It was thought that the spirits of the dead returned to Earth, causing trouble and damaging crops. To ward off these spirits, people lit bonfires and wore costumes made of animal skins to disguise themselves and avoid being recognized by the spirits.

2. **Roman Influence**

**Roman Festivals:** After the Romans conquered Celtic territories, two of their festivals were merged with Samhain. Feralia, which commemorated the passing of the dead, and a day honoring Pomona, the goddess of fruit and trees. This association is believed to be the origin of the tradition of bobbing for apples.

3. **Christian Adaptation: All Saints’ Day**

**All Saints’ and All Souls’ Day:** By the 9th century, the spread of Christianity led to the adaptation of Samhain into Christian observances. Pope Gregory III designated November 1st as All Saints’ Day (also known as All Hallows’ Day), to honor saints and martyrs. The night before, October 31st, became known as All Hallows’ Eve, later shortened to Halloween.

**All Souls’ Day:** On November 2nd, All Souls’ Day was established to remember the dead, further integrating and Christianizing the traditional customs.

4. **Halloween in America**

**Colonial Celebrations:** Halloween customs were brought to America by European immigrants. The celebration was initially limited in New England due to strict Protestant beliefs. However, in the southern colonies and Maryland, a blend of European traditions and Native American harvest celebrations emerged.

**19th Century Growth:** The influx of Irish immigrants during the mid-19th century due to the Irish Potato Famine brought a renewed enthusiasm for Halloween. It evolved into a community-centered holiday, with parties and public events focused on games, food, and festive costumes.

5. **Modern Traditions**

**Trick-or-Treating:** The practice of trick-or-treating likely has roots in the medieval tradition of “souling,” where the poor would go door-to-door on All Souls’ Day, offering prayers for the dead in exchange for food.

**Costumes and Decorations:** Wearing costumes and disguises to ward off spirits became a popular tradition, evolving into today’s playful costume-wearing for fun. Pumpkins carved into jack-o’-lanterns originated from an Irish myth about “Stingy Jack” and were initially made from turnips or potatoes before being adapted to pumpkins in America.

Today, Halloween is celebrated around the world with a mix of traditional customs and modern festivities, making it a unique blend of ancient rituals and contemporary fun.

Let your employees know they count, and show them you respect them!

Treating everyone with respect is the foundation of good leadership. But what does respectful leadership actually look like in practice? Here are some behaviors to prioritize.

• Build trust. This requires three factors: developing positive relationships, sharing knowledge and expertise, and consistently treating people.

• Value diversity. Hire team members from diverse backgrounds, check your unconscious biases, encourage perspectives that challenge the status quo, and, of course, treat everyone equally.

• Stay attuned to your employees’ emotions. You can’t be aware of everything your team members are going through in their personal and professional lives. But you can—and should—convey that you’re there for them should they want to discuss sensitive issues or concerns.

• Balance compassion and accountability. Establish a culture that supports work-life balance, and make it clear that productivity shouldn’t come at the cost of your employees’ well-being.

• Resolve conflicts. Don’t take a hands-off approach when tensions arise on your team. A respectful leader willingly engages in conflict resolution.

• Give constructive feedback—productively. Be direct and honest about your employees’ strengths and weaknesses. Ignoring or minimizing either is ultimately unkind, counterproductive, and disrespectful.

Do You Have the Skills You Need to Be the Boss?

Transitioning into management for the first time can be a significant career milestone for many people. Identifying which skills you might need to develop before leaping will be helpful for any potential leadership shift. Ask yourself these five questions: 

• What’s my leadership style? Reflect on your strengths, personality, and values, then decide what you want to be known for. Remember, you can adapt your approach over time as you continue to learn and advance.

• How will I help my team grow? Understanding how to measure performance and assess gaps and growth opportunities on your team will be essential in your role as a manager. Take time to think about how your promotion may impact team structures and dynamics.

• How will I prioritize and delegate work effectively? Ask yourself what you’d need to stop doing, keep doing, and do more of—and how you’ll provide oversight and accountability for the work you assign to others.

• Am I an excellent public speaker, and can I lead meetings? Do an honest appraisal of your communication skills and assess your comfort with leading meetings and presenting to larger groups.

• Am I comfortable delivering feedback and resolving conflict? Providing helpful direction, addressing performance gaps, and solving interpersonal problems are essential managerial responsibilities. Consider issues you may have witnessed with coworkers regarding processes, projects, or interpersonal dynamics. What did you learn from what you observed?

Defuse the Simmering Resentment on Your Team

If you’ve noticed an uptick in subtle digs and snarky comments on your team, it may indicate a deeper issue: simmering resentment. As a leader, you must restore harmony before it’s too late.
 
Start by paying close attention to team dynamics—and if you see something, say something. Don’t assume issues will be resolved independently—instead, open lines of communication, preferably one-on-one. Show genuine interest in your team member’s well-being and allow them to express their thoughts and feelings. A simple “How’s everything going?” can lead to deeper conversations.
 
Remember that resentment may be directed at you. If that’s the case, don’t get defensive. Instead, seek feedback with curiosity. Your openness can defuse tension and rebuild trust. If you find your team’s frustration with the organization, listen to their perspectives, support their needs, and advocate for them (to the best of your abilities).
 
Finally, resentment can surface during routine meetings or communication, so shake things up. A walking meeting or an experiment with rotating leadership roles can reset negative communication patterns and create new dynamics. Focusing on common goals and proactively celebrating wins can shift the team’s energy from conflict to collaboration.

Simplify Your Strategy

Many organizations confuse operational plans with strategy. Creating a strategy is an outward-looking, relatively high-level exercise about identifying how to meet your stakeholders’ needs. Once you’ve done that, you can figure out the specific steps you need to take to get there. Here’s how to build a strategy that avoids fragmented efforts and missed opportunities. 
 
Separate strategy from action. Strategy is about positioning your business in the marketplace—it’s not a list of tasks for each function to execute. When you confuse strategy with action, you and your team will lose sight of the overall direction. Keep strategy focused on big-picture positioning instead and let specific decisions and deliverables follow.
 
Reframe your language. The words you use shape your thinking. Replace terms like “marketing strategy” with “customer strategy” and “HR strategy” with “employee strategy” to focus on your stakeholders. Subtle shifts like this help ensure that your strategy remains aligned with the needs of the people you’re serving, not just internal functions and processes.