WHO NEEDS AN EXECUTIVE COACH ANYWAY?

An interesting question came up today which directly affects my career, but it occurs to me also my past. I’ll explain! Over ten years ago, I was a successful but stressed-out lawyer with no life and even less joy. This was not caused by the loved ones and friends around me but by me, and me alone!

A good friend, a successful management consultant with Accenture and other leading companies, offered me executive coaching. This was not the only time this happened. Over the years, I have met life coaches of different backgrounds and qualifications at various networking events.

I always said no, not because I questioned my friends' or other life coaches' fine qualities, but because I didn’t believe in life coaching. I could not see how it could benefit me or my life. I was arrogant, ignorant, and, on reflection, really quite stupid! This was despite the fact that I am generally considered to be quite clever and held in high regard by my colleagues and critics alike.

So, how could it be that I was such a short-sighted idiot, and what changed to make me a believer in the skill, art, and success of life coaching?

Reflecting on this, my first thought about why I had rejected coaching was that maybe it was a cultural issue. I am British by birth, and you know Brits can be a pretty proud and stubborn lot! Just look at the United Kingdom's dealings with the rest of the world, both in history and now, where, despite its reduced global influence, it continues to punch above its weight—or at least we Brits like to believe we do!

I have always been immensely proud and worked hard for everything I achieved in my career.  I had some wonderful mentors along the way, not least my first-ever boss, who took me under his wing when I was a 17-year-old outdoor clerk in a law firm called Wray Smith & Co., based in the ancient heart of the British legal profession, the Inner Temple in London. I cannot tell you the love and affection I still hold for this man today. Still, there are areas where I can reflect and recognize with increased age and experience that I no longer accept or agree with many of his views, not least where it came to areas like the expression of feelings and openness to believing in these fangled new age practices that have never helped anyone.

As a successful lawyer and, subsequently, a judge, I wanted to be like him, and for a long time, I believed his every word. Please don’t get me wrong; it was not that he was incorrect; it was just a very different age born of the Second World War, as well as the period after that, which were tough times in the United Kingdom and the rest of Europe for people of my parents and grandparents generations. So, was this a cultural issue that was responsible? I think it contributes to it, but it is not the only issue.

Was I a coward? I don’t mean in the old-fashioned sense of the expression!   I have always tried to face any problem head-on and work hard to find a solution rather than avoiding it! That’s a contradiction to accepting the benefits of executive coaching, RIGHT?

So, what was I afraid of opening up? Admitting I have made mistakes and facing them? I think if we are honest with ourselves, we are all a little fearful of doing so; that is what makes us human after all, unless, of course, you are a sociopath, a few of whom I have worked for over the years, in which case your self-belief and confidence is second to none!

The thing is, and it’s a silly but essential thing, COACHING WORKS! Not only does it work, but it is not about mistakes or leaving yourself feeling like you are exposing yourself. It is about the future as well as the here and now!

When I work with a client, the client sets the agenda and comes up with the answers, albeit with a bit of steering and guidance from me using my ears, eyes, and mouth, asking the right questions. My clients already have the answers, but they can be hidden deep or right in front of their eyes! I help them find them; as I said, COACHING WORKS!

As a professionally trained life coach, I am delighted when I see my clients' breakthroughs and fantastic results. Knowing that they are progressing to the next stage of their success or breakthrough in life brings me genuine pleasure and joy.

I shouldn’t be surprised; as soon as I started using a coach, the old concerns and negative thoughts were there, and I was initially hesitant, resistant, and nervous. My skillful coach asked me the right questions, and pretty much straight away, I noticed my life changing for the better through several breakthroughs.

I realized that events or thoughts that had held me back for years were not the roots of my problems; it was me and only me! I learned to become a happier, better, and more successful person.

So, all those years ago, how could I have been so unwise as to believe that coaching could not help me? Change my life for the better, both professionally and personally? I’m still unsure if I have an answer to that, but I have learned that coaching is about a brighter future and improving the here and now! That is all that matters!

Professionally trained life coaches undertake specialist courses and obtain skills as part of their accreditation process required by the International Coach Federation, of which I am a member. This process involves them learning about themselves to enable them to help others. It is a fascinating journey, sometimes tricky, but extremely rewarding.

Why wouldn’t this be attractive? Is it cultural or more? Only you can find out the answer to that question, but trust me, I wouldn’t have missed this journey for anything. I’m so happy that I can say out loud that I am an ICF COACH, able to help others on their journey, too!

Anxiety And That Sunday Evening Feeling!

As I write this article, it is Sunday night; I have the football playing on my second computer screen, and I am thinking about Monday and what is on my list of things to do, my appointments, and other commitments.  I’m busy, really very busy, and I also have to fit in a trip to the gym ......and I’m thinking about my vacation to Europe in a month’s time and, blah blah blah!

You get the picture. It is all rather busy, and honestly, I don’t think anyone would hold it against me if I felt an itsy bitsy little bit overwhelmed, and yet I am very relaxed. In fact, not at all overwhelmed! 

So, it got me thinking about a time a decade ago when I still lived in London and worked as a lawyer in the City. It reminded me of conversations I had with fellow lawyer friends about their Sunday evenings and how they were frequently filled with anxiety. We were all the same. It would get to Sunday evening, and suddenly that feeling would hit like a truck. The joy and fun of what you did over the weekend suddenly halt. The worries and anticipation about the work week ahead and who or what would ruin your day first could overwhelm and beat every positive and joyful feeling from the weekend out of you. That assumes you were not working all weekend, which was so frequently the case! 

And honestly, even with the benefit of hindsight, it is still unclear whether many of those feelings were justified. Were they interpretations or facts? Do we just allow ourselves to fuel feelings of overwhelm and dread for nothing? We add anticipation to false interpretation allowing your mood to take a nose dive, so you start to feel the dread and associated feelings even without the justification to do so. 

So, everything becomes a problem. You look around your apartment, thinking about everything you failed to achieve. The lack of food in the place or, god forbid, clean socks or underwear! Then you check your work email because clearly, you need to add a little more fuel to the fire, and if you are not being irritable with those around you by this point, I’m really impressed!  I'll be even more impressed if you get much sleep after all that. Either that or you are telling fibs, but I won’t hold it against you. I get it; you are embarrassed.  So, please do me a favor and stop beating yourself up right now. 

So stop allowing yourself to get into a Sunday rut and start enjoying your weekend more.....In an ideal world, I suggest you relax more, adopt a healthy, preferably vegetarian style diet, sleep well, meditate, make healthy choices, get to the gym, then modern art galleries, and spend plenty of time organizing yourself……But really! Listen, I was a lawyer; I was always too busy with “important” things to do anything else, and I get it........

Every Sunday, I would make myself almost ill with anxiety at what was coming the following morning, let alone the week. With the best will in the world, any high-stress job is going to mean you have enough to think about, so in lieu of all of those fantastic healthy choices, which by the way, are really good ideas, just try taking it a bit easier and give yourself a break so you can try to get rid of those Sunday evening blues. You deserve to take baby steps to make significant changes to your life.

So here is the pitch, but it is not for sales; it’s a life-choice pitch! When you work with a life coach, they have been trained in skills and tools to help make your life better, and as someone who has been through the process of transformation with my own coaches over the last five years, trust me, it really does work!

When I partner with people, I encourage them to make project plans for significant areas in their lives to maintain clarity, momentum, and traction. I hold them to account without overwhelming them, and I support them. They suffer breakdowns as, ultimately, these can and frequently will lead to beautiful breakthroughs!  

So, as you read this on your Monday journey into the office, please take a moment to think about the message I am sharing with you. When I reflect on my past life and how I live now, I wonder what all the Hubba and wasted time worrying about silly things were about.

So, just to remind you, it’s Sunday evening. I am thinking about how busy my Monday and the rest of the week ahead are. I have so much going on! No problem.  I’ve got this all-in hand! Time to have a great night’s sleep. I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to a stress-free productive week. 

Take a hike - For clarity and wellbeing!

As a business mentor and life coach, I encourage my clients to give themselves space and time in order to breathe and have the opportunity to take a step back and gain clarity. Sometimes we need to be completely separated from our business world and the stresses that around us to remind ourselves what’s actually important and the results we are seeking to achieve.

This week, try to give yourself some space think about what you want for your future plans whether that relates to your business or personal life. I find it helpful to start at the end, thinking where I want to be in 20, 10 or 5 years time and work backwards from there.

Hiking on the Rattlesnake trail

at the Delaware Water Gap

On Sunday I went on a hike to the Delaware Water Gap which is on the border of New Jersey and Pennsylvania. It was my first hike of 2021 and despite the fact that my Covid lungs were reminding me that it will take a little time to fully recover despite the fact that it’s already been nine months, I felt empowered, energized and overjoyed at being out in the wilderness.  Having the opportunity to push myself and to enjoy the outdoors which is where I’m usually happiest can help to give me clarity, empowerment and strength. Wellness is always key to a good life.

The temperature was -2 C and there was a fair bit of ice and mud around but nothing to be worried about, and absolutely worth it for the views and the fresh air. Being in the outdoors has been my go-to for joy and clarity my entire life. As a child and during my time in the RAFVR(T), I used to love having the opportunity to be out enjoying the outdoors for all that it gives us.

I continue enjoying my time outside and love being a volunteer with the New York/New Jersey Chapter of the Appalachian Mountain Club. They do such valuable work to promote the outdoors. I still have my various outdoor qualifications as well as extensive experience which I was lucky enough to have obtained in the United Kingdom. It is my intention to get out as often as I can to help me think and gain clarity for my best possible future life, which also involves a successful business.

So in conclusion of my post, I invite you to click on the link to my contact page so you or your friends, family or business associates can book a complimentary session with me. Many people find just one session with me gives them the opportunity to gain clarity which they’ve been seeking. There’s no commitment. It’s all about you and the power in your life, making either your business or your life successful. In the case of my clients it’s usually both. I’m looking forward to sharing this journey with you. 

Views from the Ridgeline on the Rattle Snake trail at the Mohican Center at the Delaware Water Gap in New Jersey